How many of us struggle with certain aspects of our life that we desperately want to change and find it difficult to make a lasting shift in the desired direction? Maybe it is with weight loss and wanting to lead a healthy lifestyle. Perhaps it is learning to deal with unwanted emotional reactions so that we can create meaningful relationships. Or, it could be career and finance related. Whatever it is, a deep and lasting change occurs firstly when we truly understand our beliefs in relation to the transformation we are seeking to make. Secondly, we must replace the limiting beliefs with a belief that supports the change.
Our belief system underpins who we are, it governs how we behave, what we perceive and what we think. It is a construction of norms that are interconnected with each other and it is through our beliefs that we make sense of ourselves and the world around us. A lot of our beliefs about ourselves and our world were formed at an early age from our interactions with our earliest caregivers such as our parents, extended families and other influential adults. By the time we reach adulthood the well-intended beliefs we formed in childhood become deep-seated and often distorted and these we call core beliefs.

Two purposes of core beliefs

The core beliefs carried from our childhood into the present have two main purposes. Firstly, they form our identity and how we see ourselves in relation to other people and secondly, it determines our negative or positive behaviours. Whether we realise it or not we then create experiences in adulthood to match our core beliefs.

Examples of some of the negative core beliefs:
·        I am unworthy
·        I am not good enough
·        I can’t achieve
·        I will fail
·        I am unattractive
·        I am stupid

Examples of some of the positive core beliefs:
·        I am worthy and good enough
·        I can survive failure
·        Bad periods are only temporary
·        I am attractive
·        I am capable of learning new skills
·        I can achieve my goals

What are your core beliefs?

If you are finding it hard to make a lasting change in any area of your life, then I urge you to spend some time to identify the core beliefs that hamper the progress. Recognising your belief is a process of going deeper by examining your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It is also the act of observing the stories we tell ourselves.

Identifying your core beliefs with 2 steps

There are several exercises I go through with my client to help them challenge and replace their self-limiting beliefs. However, the first thing I ask my clients is to identify their core beliefs through 2 important steps which I have outlined below.

1.Observe your thoughts and the words that you use

How often do we take notice of what we say and what we think about? Especially when it comes to what we think of ourselves. Most of the time we are on autopilot with an old tape running in our mind that plays the same self-defeating story. The thoughts that we form turns into the words that we use to describe ourselves and our reality. We find valuable clues when we start observing our thoughts and words.

2. Self-awareness of your emotional state

Notice your emotions to a particular situation that you are wanting to change. Do you feel anxiety? Is there grief and a sense of loss if you make this change? Are you fearing failure if you implemented the change? If you do fail, what is the worse that could happen? An awareness of your emotion behind any resistance is a vital step in uncovering your belief to that particular situation.

Debunking self-defeating beliefs with 3 steps

So now we have identified our self-limiting beliefs what do we do with this information? It is not enough to simply identify the core beliefs that no longer serve you as an adult. We must challenge and replace these attitudes. We are overly attached to our beliefs that we see them as being the pervasive truth. Here is an important thing to understand:

BELIEFS ARE NOT CONCRETE AND NOT THE TRUTH!

1.Challenge your beliefs

Once the core belief has been identified I ask you to challenge this belief. I have outlined a series of questions below that will help you question your belief.

·        What caused me to believe this in the first place?
·        Where did I learn this belief from and is it valid?
·        What evidence do I have that supports what I believe?
·        Was there a time and a place where this belief did not apply?
·        In what way does this belief sound irrational?
·        Would I want my closest friend to believe this about themselves?

Can you see how when we start challenging our belief system we realise many of the things we believe are not accurate and it can be changed?

2.Change your beliefs

An unhealthy core belief must be replaced with another belief that supports you and helps you to move forward. This process does not happen instantaneously and will require real work on your part. There will be times when you will revert back to your old way of thinking, and this is absolutely ok. Have compassion for yourself and recognise your efforts in this process is essential. Choose a replacement belief that is in alignment with the change you wish to make. Finally take a different action with your new belief.

3.Take a different action

“The path to success is to take massive, determined actions” – Tony Robins.

You must take action of the work you have put in to identify, challenge and replace your beliefs to make a deep and lasting change. The new belief is strengthened and ingrained through action. Without taking action you will only feed your old belief system. Have room for failure and ask yourself “what will I lose if I do not act?”

Our self-defeating beliefs feel like a pair of old comfy socks; they have been part of our life for many years. They help us stay in our comfort zone and help us feel secure and safe, at the expense of growth. Growth and lasting change demand that we push out of what is comfortable (and unhelpful) into a new way of thinking and believing that supports our goals.