Be fearless about failure!

Our culture marvels at people who exude success!  We look up to the likes of Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Steven Spielberg, Warren Buffett and that one person we all know and admire just to name a few. We try to emulate particular attributes of these highly talented people in the hope that our lives too will become successful. That we also experience the feelings that are associated with financial freedom, career accomplishments, engaging in highly functioning relationships and overall well-being.

We are told to believe that success; whatever that maybe for us follows clarity and that it must incorporate commitment, discipline and just the right amount of passion. How many times have you heard or read that you must get clear on your goals, make sure they are attainable, focus on your journey and have the confidence to work hard for it?  Except what do we do when we fail?  And yes, we all have failed throughout our lives and many of us, especially me in the most spectacular of ways!

Indeed, the well-intended advice on attaining success is comprehensively researched, written about and taught to people of all walks of life. We are encouraged to embrace success with open arms and yet we do not fully embrace failure.  Failure is frightening and makes us feel uncomfortable, it arouses feelings of embarrassment, and not being good enough. However, how would it be if we altered the way we perceived our failures? What if we were educated to have a loving relationship with failure?

A common thread that intertwines through the fabric of each successful persons characteristic is their relationship with their failures. We hear about the success stories of people that we admire and it makes us feel good, these are inspirational stories and their success endeavours to motivate us. Yet we seldom focus on their failures because it does not have a feel good factor and it is not what we want for our lives. Nevertheless, I believe it is imperative for us to study the failures of our idols for they all have failed a countless time. We must model our relationship with failure in a way that allows us to rise again and again. It is known that Walt Disney was fired from Kansas City Star because his editor felt he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Can you believe that? We may have missed out on the magic and wonder of stories, movies and rides if Walt Disney believed what he was told.

Soichiro Honda the founder and the president of Honda Motor Company famously quoted “success is 99% failure“, Dale Carnegie, the author of The Leader in you and countless other books on leadership and self-development believed that the greatest stepping stone to success is discouragement and failure.

Failure is unavoidable and is on the same continuum as success! It is as much part of the process as setting clear goals, being committed, disciplined and working hard towards a flourishing life. Learn to accept your failures not as a shortcoming of yourself but a chance for new possibilities and growth.

• Surround yourself with trusted people who are able to support you through the highs and lows and be with people who are able to shed a different perspective on your situation.

• I have spoken about self-care in my previous article and I couldn’t stress enough the importance of self-care. Recognise when you are feeling fatigued and take time out, make exercise a regular part of your routine and integrate daily mindfulness activities. Physical and emotional resilience will be your ally through difficult situations.

• You are not your failure! Separate your identity from your failures- I know what you are thinking……. “This is easier said than done!”  I know firsthand the sheer frustration and disappointment of investing time and effort into something and it failing.  It is OK to feel frustrated and disappointed; it is not OK to belittle yourself for failing. I recall making my failures very personal and they used to defy who I was; however, having a great Mentor helped me become detached to the things that fail in my life. – Attitude is everything!

• Be open, curious and flexible- Assess the failure in a methodical and honest manner. What could you have done differently?  What part of the situation was within your control and what part of it was outside of your control? Be willing to let go of things that haven’t worked and be open and courageous to something different.

Let’s all create a better relationship with our failures – they are our greatest teachers if we allow them to be!