Self-Care is antithesis of Selfish

I grew up in a culture where women were obligated to take care and serve others with little acknowledgement or even recognition of their own needs. I recall my mother playing the role of a caring mother, the supportive wife, the house keeper and the career woman.  Juggling several different roles and being everything to everyone gave her little to no space for her own physical, emotional, mental or spiritual needs. Looking back, I don’t believe she even gave herself the permission to put herself first.

How many of us can relate to this? Regardless of our culture,our age or sex we often find it difficult to engage in intentional activities that focus on our holistic well-being. We tell ourselves that we are too busy to be at the gym, we feel guilty when we want some time to ourselves and we do not give ourselves the consent to honor our needs.

We live in a world that demands a lot more from us both personally and professionally. We work longer hours and the boundary between work and home has never been more distorted than at present.  And so, it is now more than ever we must place an emphasis on building our resilience to meet the mounting demands of life.  Charles Darwin; the famous naturalist stated that “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the most resilient and responsive to change.”

I describe resilience as the capacity to encounter life’s major curve balls and the minor daily annoyances with strength, awareness and compassion. Building resilience requires an authentic care of self with a holistic attitude and a focus on one’s physical well-being, emotional mindfulness, good mental health and spiritual connection.

Self-care is then the foundation on which resilience is built upon and it is antithesis to selfish! We must identify and remove any guilt or shame attached to self-care and replace it with self- compassion and respect our needs. Parker Palmer the author of A hidden wholeness put it eloquently when he said “Self-Care is never selfish act – It is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.”

There are countless benefits to self-care and I have outlined some below that enhance our ability to be our best in our professional and personal lives with the practice of self-care:

• An opportunity to rest and recover
• Develop healthy boundaries
• Feeling healthy and vibrant
• Gain clarity on your goals
• Have more patience for family
• Improved professional relationships
• Improve self-perception
• Have more energy to deal with stressful situations
• General increase in daily happiness and feeling connected
• Cultivating self-awareness and equanimity

Self-care and its methods are as unique as the person who practices it and it requires planning. This is a lifestyle and not just a phase in life. Understand yourself and what is important to you is essential. Incorporate a daily ritual no matter how small that may be and focus purely on the only person that experiences your life- YOU. Cultivate compassion and kindness for yourself for you can not serve others properly from an empty vessel!

I have included a self-care model below to help you with your personal self-care plan.